Trauma
Counselling
COMPASSIONATE TRAUMA COUNSELLING BYRON BAY, SUFFOLK PARK & ONLINE
Begin Your Journey to Heal from Trauma and Reclaim Yourself.
I never considered myself a trauma expert until I did an audit of my childhood and realised how well placed I am to walk alongside other survivors of dysfunctional families.
Emotional abuse was rife in my family of origin - and I know I am in good company.
I’m here to tell you as a survivor that you can heal yourself.
Trauma & Healing
Sometimes distancing yourself from your family of origin in the only way. Other times you may find you can learn to set boundaries and they will be respected so you can maintain a cordial and respectful relationship.
Whatever path you go down, it’s lonely. I know. Our world is full of lies - lies about what families should look like. Lies about how our relationships should be. Life is not a Hollywood script - life is messy, nuanced and complex. There is no script for how best to to deal with the cards we are dealt. But we do need to learn to protect ourselves in relationship with others.
Other forms of trauma in which I have experience include PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), trauma after natural disasters and trauma after domestic violence. All these forms of trauma share one characteristic - they can overwhelm our ability to cope. The body will protect you by potentially going into a shutdown, or going into fight or fright mode. Coming back to living your best life after trauma can be a tricky, delicate time.
Psychiatrists have complex explanations for trauma, but the reality is pretty straightforward.
There can be a combination of factors that predispose some to acute trauma and shut down while others fight back.
It could be a combination of genes and how they are expressed in a person.
It could simply be luck.
It could be that one person received a message of hope at a formative time that was able to sustain them while another was shut down in their trauma.
Many of those who are shut down will be lost for years numbing their pain in a myriad of ways - with drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography, sex addiction, shopping addiction, or a combination of many unhealthy behaviours. They will often pursue these behaviours despite knowing they are harming themselves. They are caught in a spiral of shame and helplessness.
No therapist should ever pretend to have all the answers, because it must always be the individual who makes the decision to try a different path.
The therapist’s role is to walk alongside the client
Healing From Trauma
Along the way people may stumble and fall, but it is their unique path to follow. It can be hard when you love someone stuck in unhealthy, self-harming behaviours, but it is not your job to save them. It is their job.
Much has been written about trauma in recent times. Some of the greats I recommend reading are Deb Dana, Janina Fischer, Gabor Maté, Peter Levine, Stephen Porges, Judith Herman and Dick Schwarz. If reading is not your thing, watch them speak online. Do not be bamboozled by the number of letters that come before or after someone’s name. Do not get bogged down in too much information. Listen to those whose truth resonates with you. For you know best. Be careful that their truth aligns with yours.
Healing from trauma depends as much on a bodily process as it does on talking therapy. Somatic (or movement) therapies are very powerful healing tools. You can try yoga, EMDR reprocessing, hypnotherapy, tapping or ecstatic dancing. In Australia we now even have psychedelic therapies.
Whatever path you choose, make sure it is safe. Our mantra as therapists is ‘do no harm’.
I like to use a combination of somatic healing and talking therapy.
Trauma Counselling Case Studies
WONDER HOW TRAUMA COUNSELLING HELPS IN REAL LIFE?
I will use a case study of a recent client which has been fictionalised to give a feel for how trauma therapy might look. Every case is unique.I have created a scenario based on a mishmash of clients I have supported over the last few years to illustrate how to move on after trauma
Let's meet Mary (my fictional combination client)
Mary grew up in a highly abusive family of origin. There was domestic violence present between Mary’s mother and father. They both drank heavily. Mary was often frightened. Mary was so frightened that she gradually lost contact with her emotions. Mary learnt to be a good girl at school and not cause trouble at home, because it would not play well for her. At 17 Mary left home and married her boyfriend, Bruce, at 19 yo. Initially things went well with Bruce but problems started to emerge while she was pregnant with her first child. Bruce would drink heavily at the weekends when the football was on and then become verbally and physically abusive to Mary at home. Afterwards he was remorseful and Mary just thought it was normal for blokes to get violent from time to time. Mary thought if she kept everything the way Bruce liked it at home that he would not hit her, or verbally berate her. After her daughter was born things seemed to improve with Bruce. Bruce was proud to show off little Jane to his work mates.
Mary was living in rural NSW where she did not have a support network, however the maternal nurse was helpful. By the time Mary was pregnant again at 23, Bruce was drinking more regularly with his mates from the factory, often during the week. Mary was not working and dependent on Bruce for money to put petrol in the car, to recharge her mobile phone and pay for food. Mary did not have any school friends as they were all in Sydney. Mary was not in regular contact with her family of origin. Anyway, Mary was happy to be far away from them. All of these factors made Mary very vulnerable - poor modelling in her family of origin, her young age and lack of education all made her vulnerable.
By the time Mary came to therapy she was 43 and had finally managed to extricate herself from her abusive marriage. Mary had very low self-esteem and initially was in denial about her abusive childhood and abusive marriage. It was only because her daughter was pregnant with her first child that Mary was able to begin to see herself as a victim. Mary had never had the self focus or distance to see herself as a frightened and vulnerable child.
Counselling goals
Help Mary to process her traumatic childhood and abusive marriage
Help Mary to understand she was not at fault.
Use a combination of mindfulness techniques, body awareness, walking therapy and talk therapy
Counselling goals
There was a lot of inner child work done in therapy - looking back at little Mary and giving her the compassion and validation and reassurance she was denied as a child.
Initially therapy focussed on bringing energy back to Mary’s body as she was numb and had no energy. Mary was in constant pain. Therapy involved body scanning - scanning the body to build stronger mind-body awareness, mindfulness awareness and walking therapy. Walking therapy with the therapist and talking as things arose. Mary was originally slumped in therapy and found it difficult to express herself. Over time with the help of emotion wheels and other visual supports, Mary was better able to name her emotions and her felt emotions. For example, ‘my head feels fuzzy and my tummy has butterflies. Mary not only grew in body confidence but also her emotional regulation improved and she learned to develop self-compassion. This positive modelling was also beneficial for Mary’s daughter to witness. There was a cascade of positivity and growth.
Counsellor’s notes:
Over time Mary became more and more confident in therapy and spoke more easily about the difficult times in her life.
Mary came to realise she was doing her best at the time and came to have compassion for her younger self.
Mary was determined to be a support to her daughter and to break the cycle of intergenerational abuse for the baby on the way.